


Not Like The Others

by FindTheWordsToSay



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, liam and harry are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-05-05
Packaged: 2018-01-22 01:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1571753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FindTheWordsToSay/pseuds/FindTheWordsToSay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's quite a beautiful scene, Zayn thinks but then his eyes fall on Niall and everything pales in comparison."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Like The Others

It's the middle of December, so naturally when Zayn wakes up he just wants to curl up in the warmth of his bed and go back to sleep. Niall is there next to him, streching and yawning and he looks so beautiful under the soft light that Zayn has to catch his breath. The feeling in his gut is overwhelming so he closes his eyes and burries into nialls neck, intending on sleeping for another few hours.

But then Niall is chuckling, "what ya doin? Get off me... we're going to the park"

Zayn grunts but he cant deny Niall's wants. Never could.  
-  
The snow falls lightly around them, leaving a thin white sheet coveringthe park benches. There are children skating on the frozen pond with their parents and dogs shivering with their jogging owners. It's quite a beautiful scene, Zayn thinks but then his eyes fall on Niall and everything pales in comparison. 

The thing is -Niall scares the fuck out of him. Because Niall smiles and Zayn can feel the earth move beneath his feet, he can see his future but always only with Niall by his side. And that's just fucking terrifying because he's always been on his own.He can't put his heart on the line, can't ask Niall to, either,when he knows he'll eventually break it. Everything he touches goes to shit and Niall is so beautiful, has such a beautiful soul that he deserves so much more than him.

 

I love you.

Niall had said those words to him nearly two months ago and here he was still unable to say them back. He doesnt understand why Niall doesn't just leave when he could easily find somone much betrer. Someone worthy of his love. That feeling is back in the pit of his stomach but it's more like a wave of nausea this time.

 

He needs a way to protect Niall, to make this sick feeling go away. There's really only one solution. It's for the best, he tells himself. Zayn feels Niall intertwine their fingers and turns his attention back. 

"You alright, Zayn?" He asks with a squeeze of the hand. 

His chest is tightening and when he properly looks Niall in the eyes he feels like he can't breathe. Niall's hand is suddenly too hot on his, his body too close. Drawing his hand back, he looks away, "Niall, I can't do this" and he folds his hands in his lap to hide the fact that they're shaking. 

"What you talking about? Babe, are you okay?" Niall noticed, of course he did. 

Zayn shrugs Nialls hand off his shoulder."This. Us, I mean," He says after a deep breath."I can't do it anymore. I think we'd be better off in the long run if we broke up now" Zayn has done this a few times before but it's never been this difficult. 

"That's not. Zayn, this isn't funny" He tries to grab Zayn's hand again, but Zayn moves it out of reach. 

"No, Ni. It's just not working for me. I'm sorry."   
He whispers, "Okay," and stands to leave. He pats off the snow from his coat and looks over at Zayn who won't look at him. His footsteps are light, then and if anyone asks Niall will blame the sniffling on the cold winter weather.   
Zayn has done this a handful of times before, but its never been this difficult. When he ended things with the first guy he dated, Harry, Zayn was able to push back his emotions. It didnt hurt to see Harry's eyes go wide and wet, there was no pang in his chest when it was over. There was never any pain. But this time's different, because somehow Niall found a way ariund Zayn's shield and wormed himself into his heart. 

Its then that Zayn realizes what he's done, as he watches Niall's form retreat. And as he feels his guilt sink low, he wants to go after him. Tell him about his fears, make sure Niall knows he's the most precious being on the planet. But he can feel his heart breaking, and can't move from where he is. He's afraid if he stands he won't be strong enough to keep himself from falling. 

This time is different. He's never felt so weak. 

-

"Zayn. Zayn! Get out of this bedroom right now, so help me I will drag you out by your hair!" 

"Go away, Louis" is the muffled response. 

It's been like this for nearly two weeks. Zayn won't speak to anyone, won't answer his phone, and won't leave the room if not to go to work, use the bathroom and get food. Now, as Louis enters the room he takes in the smell of cigarette smoke, sees the 3 empty cartons and overflowing ashtray on the nightstand.

Zayn is lying on the far corner of his bed, sheltered by his comforter (and using Niall's sweater as a pillow, but he'll deny that when Louis asks). With practiced moves, Louis sits on the bed, pulling the comforter away despite Zayn's efforts.

Just as Zayn is about to protest, Louis speaks. "Nope, I don't care what you have to say. I'm done, I'm fed up, have had enough. So here's what's going to happen: you're going to take a shower, you're going to eat the breakfast that Liam is so kindly making right now. And then, Zaynie you and I are going to have a chat. You're going to tell me what happened." Louis tone is suddenly serious and Zayn looks up at him, seeing all the worry he's caused his oldest friend. Zayn nods although he's not sure he wants to talk about it; about what he's done to Niall, about how he's fucked it all up again.

He nods, again and let's himself be engulfed in a Louis-hug, accepting the comfort and sweet words. "Whatever happened, Zee, im here yeah? Hate seeing you like this, little bro." Louis hasn't called him that since he was about thirteen years old and every tear hes been holding back for the past 11 days is threatening to spill over so he shuts his eyes tight and then pinches Louis before shoving him away.

"Go shower, you smell absolutely horrid," Louis retorts. 

"Not worse than your feet," Zayn calls as he walks to the bathroom.  
-  
Zayn tries calling Niall again that night. He leaves another message. Then he lights another cigarette, turning over to a blank page in his sketchbook.  
-  
Zayn woke up a few hours ago, or was it minutes? He doesn't know how long he's just been lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, but it's a saturday and he really has no purpose of getting up. Louis is nagging him again, telling Zayn he should just man up and find Niall. 

"There's no way he won't forgive you Zayn,you just need to explain to him. Explain it to him like you did to me. Let him in."

He knows Louis idea isn't half bad, Zayn just doesn't have the guts to go through with it. How the hell was he supposed to face Niall?  
-  
He misses the way Niall would kiss his cheek seconds before Zayn fell into slumber.  
-  
Zayn doesn't remember when he finally fell asleep (9 hours ago), but Louis must have tucked him in and it smells like Liam's making coffee. He decides, after 2 cups of coffee, that its time to stop moping. His drawings scattered all over the bed and floor are thrown away. And as he picks up the last one, this one a sketch of Nialls eyes, Zayn thinks maybe its also time he confronts his fears.

The next time Zayn wakes up, it's to a ruckus outside of his bedroom door. He hears Louis voice first.

" Niall, please he's sleeping and you're drunk. Come, lay on the couch you can see him in the morning"

And-Niall. Nialls here. But his voice, he's loud and slurring and angry "no, Louis fuck him. Don't give a shit. He didn't give a shit did he. Need to see him right now. Move Louis !" And all of the courage Zayn was gathering up Since yesterday morning is gone.

Before things can escalate, Zayn opens his door and looks out into the hallway.

"There he is! Asshole of the year, yeah? You-you and me and I. You and me, Zayn we need to like talk."

Louis still has an arm on Niall preventing him from getting closer because he can't even stand on his own right now. So Zayn moves in "It's okay Lou. I um. I got it from here."

He sighs but lets go, moves to his own bedroom before looking back and checking that Zayn really will be okay. He was just starting to get better.

Niall is toppling over, leaning on the wall. "Know something Malik. Wanna know. I said okay and walked away, but wasn't. It wasn't." He's gripping Zayn's shirt right at the neck, but his voice is no longer angry and Zayn's heart breaks a little more with guilt. "Wasn't okay," he chokes out this time, weakly punching Zayn's chest. "Wasn't fair was it. Wasn't fucking fair. You need to tell me ,Zee. Tell me why. What was it. Please Zee why." Niall was crying now and Zayn didn't really know what to do. He was the reason Niall was crying. He's never seen Niall cry before and he thinks it's the most traffic thing he's ever witnessed. Can't stand himself for having caused this. 

Not knowing what else to do, he pulls Niall properly against him, sitting in the couch, kissing his forehead. Whispering apologies, sorry for making him cry, for not explaining, but really it would end this way sooner or later anyway. Better this way Ni, better now than later. As Niall calms and falls asleep, Zayn hopes that Niall wouldn't remember this in the morning.  
-  
This time Zayn wakes up with Niall still in his arms. They're curled awkwardly on the small couch, but it's okay becasue it's familiar. So is the smell of Niall's coconut shampoo and the sound of his soft snores. It's almost like nothing's changed. Almost, because then as zayn stares at Niall sleeping features he notices the dried tear tracks and remembers that absolutely everything has changed. And that it is his own fault.

He sucks in a deep breath to control his own tears, and that's when Niall stirs against his chest.

"Zayn?" He covers his eyes with a hand to block the sun seeping through the window "oh god what the fuck did I do last night?" He's sitting up now and moving away, arm still covering his eyes. Zayn sits up, too, to give Niall space, but doesn't say a word.

It's minutes of silence later that Zayn stands, going to make some tea, yeah?, and heads to the kitchen. A note from Louis tells him he's gone to Liam's apartment and won't be back until dinner time. He sighs and starts preparing the water for tea, but once it's done he's not sure he wants to go back to the living room. Not sure he can face Niall. But this is his only chance. If and only if Niall gives him the chance to explain. He not looking for forgiveness -doesn't think he deserves it but he needs niall to know why.

Fuck, he mumurs.

"You look like you're having one very intense battle with yourself there."

Zayn startles, but turns around with Nialls teacup, heading it over. He's about to leave the kitchen but Niall speaks gain "Zayn ... Sit with me." 

It's not a question, not even a plead and Zayn has never heard niall so demanding so he sits but mostly because he misses Nialls voice.

"I don't know what I did last night, yeah? But whatever I said I'm sorry. I probably didn't mean it. You just have to understand that I'm. I'm just angry, so fucking angry with you that I could. I could like punch you or..."He laughs at his own lack of eloquence, something they used to laugh at together. And just as quickly his smile fades. "Would you look at me?"

Zayn doesn't, shakes his head a bit, "don't apologize. You've got absolutely nothing to be sorry for." He flexes his hands as he speaks dont look up, "and you've got every right to be angry." 

Niall's hand moves to cover his own. 

"Niall you should go."

"Not until you look at me." He moves hisnother hand under Zayn's jaw, "not until you give me a good explanation." When he gets him to look up, zayn's eyes are shinning with unshed tears.

Zayn closes his eyes just as quickly as they had landed on Nialls, but he leans into his hand lets the familiar warmth envelope him. He places a kiss to Nialls palm and just breathes in his scent. When he opens his eyes again he feels his tears escape, but he doesnt care, it doesnt matter because Niall's eyes are pleading to him.

"Every thing. Every...every person I ever loved. Please you have to understand that every person has left me willingly or, or not. Niall they leave or they die or I somehow find a way to completely ruin them.

"And when I realized that I-" he stops himself short, still unable to say the words "you're too much. Too much for me, for anyone really. But you could find someone better, some who can...love you the way you deserve. All I could ever do is hold you back or destroy you"

"Hold you back-are you insane?! Don't I get a say in all this? Dammit Zayn, you're- you're the best thing thats ever happened to me. You're my better half and I don’t want anyone else. You don’t have the right to fucking make that choice for me." Niall is livid, breath ragged and his grip on Zayn's hand tightening.

"I'm sorry. Niall, I'm so sorry. I thought. It was for the best yeah? But that- I don't want anyone else. I guess... I guess it just all comes down to me b-being scared. I love you too much to lose you like I've lost everyone else. Figured this way I could at least save you."

"You bloody idiot," is all Niall responds before he's leaning across the table and kissing Zayn breathless. "I love you, too. You fucking know that I love you and apart from this little stunt you've never done me wrong." He's still kissing Zayn in between breaths and words, "I dont plan on going anywhere. I believe in us, Zee. Give us a chance?"

"Yeah...yeah, please. I'm so sorry" And now he can't stop apologizing, because he was wrong. So wrong to think that Niall would let Zayn give up so easily. He's certainly not like the others and when Zayn closes his eyes to kiss him again, it's not as terrifying as it used to be to picture Niall with him ten years from now.


End file.
